A Love Letter to my Beloved

My Beloved--

I know this isn't the usual type of note that I have written in the past but variety is okay, right? The point of this blog is for me to intentionally connect with you...to share my heart with you and to hear yours. So despite the different tone of this particular letter, the intention is still there. I want to share my heart...

I know that You are not a doting grandfather in the sky or some magical genie waiting to answer my wishes and whims. But I also know that You have a plan for my life which will include many blessings. Lastly, I also know that You care about the things on my heart.

Beloved, I would love to go to Ambrose University College next year. The new buildings looks amazing and it would be fun to return to my alma mater even though it's moved cities and has changed to be sure. It would be great to be in that environment again but part of me worries that I am just trying to "retreat" to a happier time. I certainly don't want that!

Beloved, I would love to do the whole doctorate program thing but honestly, it scares me a little. Sure, with Your help, I've done well on my Master's degree but I just don't see myself being intellectual enough for a doctorate degree and then even beyond that, to actually teach others. However, I know that if You guide me into this program, there too You will be and You will prepare me for teaching others. The bottom line is that I don't want to walk on this path without first hearing from You.

I know I am prone to thinking and thinking and thinking. I do trust that You will speak and reveal Your will for me when it is time but I just wanted to share these few thoughts with You. Thank You for caring and for loving me. I wait for You!

I remain,
Yours.

My Beloved Speaks to Me

I am your rock, your fortress and your deliverer; 
I am the rock in whom you can take refuge,
Your shield and the horn of your salvation

I am your stronghold, your refuge, and your Savior.
I alone can save you from destruction.

Call out to Me.
In your distress, call out to Me.
for I hear your voice;
your cry comes to My ears

I will be your lamp
I will turn your darkenss into light.


**Adapted from II Samuel 22:3, 7, 29

A Love Letter to my Beloved

My Beloved,

My mind is full of thoughts, circulating around and around, with no real focus. It occurs to me that the One who can bring focus to me, the One I need to speak to and hear from, is You.

You have beckoned me my entire life. I remember when my dad told me about You and asked if I'd like You to be my Savior. Honestly, in that moment I already loved You and accepted You...saying yes to my dad was the easiest decision I've ever made. As I grown from that young age, I've learned so much more about You. The sweet and simple belief as a child has matured and developed, which has been good. However, along with a developed faith, my hindrances have also grown. It can be harder to trust You and Your timing. Instead of my young assurance that everything about You is good, including Your timing, I now am more prone to worrying, doubting, and becoming frustrated.

It is in those moments, when I need to take time to look backwards. All throughtout my past, which has been filled with moments of uncertainty and cluelessness as it is now, there You have been. Your hand has been on me, guiding me. Your presence has been so real and evident. There is not one time throughout my past 30 years, where I cannot see You interwoven throughout everything I done. So with this assurance, how can I not trust You for the present and future? You are still here. You are still guiding me. You are still in control. Even when I feel surrounded by confusion and sometimes darkness.

So I hand You (again) my desires for a ministry and a spouse, my musings over more education and ministry preparation, and everything else that I repeatedly try to control, guess, and mull over. Instead, all I need...all I want is still You.

I remain,
Yours.

The Journey.

Hearing.
Waiting.
Wondering.

Uncertain.
Frustrated.
Impatient.

Reflecting.
Knowing.
Trusting.

You.
Beckon.
Gently.

Faithful.
Unchanging.
Immanuel.